What Can I Say ?

What can I say ?
I'm a little depressing, I get sad a lot, I sometimes self harm, and have really bad thoughts, but I'm only human.
I am not perfect, I'm this 270lb, half black/half Puerto Rican lady who loves the theatre. 
I'm 17 years old, just 2 months shy of my 18th birthday.
I'm one to express my feelings in every possible way (usually negatively).
I don't know what to do right now, I'm upset.
I don't want to commit suicide, I don't want to harm myself right now.
I just want to feel relaxed and happy.
My one true love; stage crew and all things that deal with the backstage aspects of theatre. 
I crave that, it is what keeps me sane, it's what keeps me alive.
I've been having problems as of late with some people and the number one person is my "friend" Kiley.
I don't know if I should talk to her or what, I feel like she wants nothing to do with me.
And I also feel like she thinks I want nothing to do with her.
We both need to talk and get stuff out, because in reality, and honestly I don't want to lose her.
I'm gonna go do a mediation with her today I suppose. 
Wish me luck.
Thanks for letting me vent.