So I've Come to The Realization That...

So I've come to realization that I'm a terrible human being. I was just not meant to keep people in my life. I drive people away all the time. I demean them, I stress them out, I belittle them, I do all this horrid shit to people I care about because- well I don't have a reason. It's such a terrible thing I do to the point where it's left me with no one in my life, but my small family. No friends, no significant other, no other relationships. I'm a lost cause when it comes to all this. I pushed everyone away, I pushed and pushed until I finally lost the one person I couldn't live without. I fought to justify myself, but who am I kidding. I need a personality adjustment, I need to fix myself before I go out and try again. I've been knocked down too many times I cannot handle it. I just want to be a better me. I've hit rock bottom and I don't want it to get any worse. I want what is best for me. And I believe what is best is finishing out my senior year in good standing (actually doing my work, and attempting to get some community service hours, and stop going home early). I want to walk at graduation. I deserve it more than anything to prove that I've made it to that milestone in my life. Then I have a summer to change myself and fix myself for the better and then I'm off to college for the next 4 years of my life. I want to feel good about myself, I want to actually be proud of myself, and I'm not. I'm worthless. I know I can do this, but I actually have to try. My goals to become a better me are first off to lose some weight (it'll help with me not liking my appearance), read more books (to help me get ideas on writing because I want to go back to that), take my mediation (I need to accept they are a part of my daily life), become better at make-up (I want to accomplish a perfect winged eyeliner and be able to do some special effects make-up), get ready for college (another big milestone in my life), change my personality for the better (I need a serious adjustment and I know it'll help), and be the princess I know I can be (because I am).


I want to forget my past and look forward to the future. I will become a better Soler Princess Nichols. I know it. I just have to have faith in myself.

Birthday !

Today is my birthday !


I am officially 18 years old !


I'm very excited for today and Saturday (when I will celebrate my belated birthday)


Yay for me !

Lonely...

So I know it is officially over with my prince (Andrew Dragon Carrero), there is really no point in trying to salvage our relationship, it is long gone.

So for a long time I've been very lonely, and unhappy. I want someone in my life, whether it is a new best friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I would just like to be able to talk to someone every day or something. I'd love to see my phone light up with a new message from someone other than my mum or dad.

I want to laugh and smile and be merry with a new friend/boyfriend/girlfriend. I feel like I am going to slip into a depression again, but this time due to lack of communication.

I have literally no friends at school, no online friends, no nothing. I wake up, go to school, come home, and go to sleep. No real talking in between.

I just want a romantic or platonic love (I guess). I want to be able to message someone and actually get a response back from someone who wants to talk with me.

I've multiple times put out information on how to contact me and such and just letting people know what I'm looking for, but I guess I'm not that interesting at all.

I'm just hoping to meet someone soon, I'd really appreciate it. Once again I will make an announcement on who I am and what I want.

My name is Lacey. I'm into a lot of different things. I am a pansexual seeking a best friend or a boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other. I just want someone who loves talking to me and would love to have Skype dates once a week or something. My hair is now pink again, I love black eyeliner, and I am aiming to lose weight because I hate my appearance. I'm a huge Modern Doctor Who fan who will cry during every sad episode. Please message me, I'll give you my number, my tumblr, my Skype, my email, just give me a chance. I can be fun once you get to know me, but I am very shy.

Hell Week

So this is the week.

The show.

The Addams Family.

I'm starting to stress now.

Not good.

I still need to find like 2 more people for Tech crew.

I need to have at least 10 people to feel confident.

I only have 6.

I'm officially freaking out.

The first official dress rehearsal and run through is going to be tonight.

I'm hoping to see some of my stage crew staying to help.

I am not okay with a handful of people.

Here's hoping.

Dress Rehearsal (Hopefully) Starts Today

So today is a half day, and it's supposed to snow later tonight, so I'm hoping they don't cancel any activities scheduled for later this evening because Dress Rehearsal starts today for the Addams Family.

We still have a lot to do set wise, and I'd love to see it finished by Saturday.

The musical is next week (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).

I'm of course super excited for my last production here at Oakcrest, but also really sad.

Kinda Upset

So, I got accepted to Point Park University (academically), I don't know if I got accepted to the conservatory yet, which hopefully I'll find out soon, because I need good news.


I also got rejected by Penn State University, and rejected by Rutgers University School of Arts and Sciences for Teacher Certification.


I don't know about Mason Gross (Rutgers University), but I have a very strong feeling I will not be admitted to the Mason Gross School, which was one of my top schools.


So I'm a little bummed out, two rejections in one day, but that's life, I still have Syracuse, Boston University, Emerson, and Pace that I still need to hear from and 3 that I still have to interview for.


I am doing my Boston University Skype interview next Sunday because it got rescheduled to the 15th, and I still have to hear from Emerson on setting up a telephone interview, and then Pace is a mess with everything, but hopefully I'll hear from them soon.

No More NYC

I was super excited to be able to go to NYC on the 20th for a Pace University interview, but all the times are full, and now I'm super upset. I was really hoping to spend a day in NYC and finally go back and have some fun.

I am like really bummed out, it'll only work if it's not the last week in February or the first 2 weeks in March, which it probably will be, which majorly sucks. I have events already planned, that I'm actually working on and a big part of, my events will always go before an interview unless it can't be helped. 

I really don't wanna have to do a Skype interview.