Can I Just Talk ?

So, I'm done trying, I came to the conclusion that there's no point in trying if your effort is thrust back into your face. I wanted to make this work, but making me cry because you wanna be heartless is literally the last straw. I cannot keep making myself seem fine, when I'm not. You literally acted two-faced, last Friday we seemed okay like there was a shimmer of hope, but this week, all that was dashed away by your actions and words. I know I fucked up royally, it was literally all my fault, but I decided to be the bigger person and just try, try one last time to at least be civil with each other, but alas it was all in vain. I don't know I just wanted to be friends again, and it just wasted my time to have it be worthless. I am allowed to be upset, I am allowed to vent, I am allowed to do whatever I want regarding this situation as long as I am not in any way harming her. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm going through my Senior Year without any friends. My hunny and doll graduated and are in Texas, and that's about it. I'm done talking, I'm just upset and wanna just find a real friend.

My Friend

I just feel like venting a little, my friend posted something on tumblr basically saying he's trans and he came out to his mother and she shot him down and was very cruel about it. He's feeling miserable and I bet he's feeling way worse than miserable, I bet words literally can't describe how he's truly feeling. He said it feels like hell being in that household at the moment, and a plethora of other things were said in his post. He knows that he's gonna get kicked out and everything, and that he has no where to go if he does.

I honestly wish I was asleep before he posted that because I'm worrying about him, and I want to know he's safe, and okay. I know he's not happy, but at least safe and unharmed is my goal. I'll be up for a little while longer just thinking about all this. And wondering how he could possibly be feeling, I've had some low points where I cannot even describe them as well. However, I feel like my problems are so tiny compared to his at this point.

He's my friend. I love my friend. I just wish I was able to do something for him. If I could, I'd give him the world. If I could, I'd give him all that he needed. That last thing I want is for him to leave the state because that's where he'll be somewhat free. I want him content, but I guess I only want him in NJ because I'm afraid to lose him as a friend. If I could offer him my home for even a little bit, I bet that would be better, but I don't have the courage to let him know I'm thinking of him and his sister in this time.

I feel like a shitty friend because I can't do anything. I swear if I could drive and had my own apartment, i'd be picking their asses up and demanding they stay with me as long as need be. sigh. I can't even try to text him, but I bet if he has signal his phone is blowing up. I want to be the friend he needs right now. I don't wanna be that shitty person to just say "Stay Strong. You're in my thoughts. Hope all goes well for you." and other bullshit along those lines. I feel as though he doesn't need pitiful words of encouragement, he needs someone to talk to, to just try to get his mind off of his situation for a little bit or just someone he can vent to.

He's my hunny, and I want the best for him. I think tomorrow I'll text him something short, and leave it at that because I know he won't answer me, he never does.


If I could say this to him I would..."Hunny, you are the bravest soul I've ever come across. Please keep fighting."

My hunny and doll graduated !

My Hunny & My Doll graduated on Friday, and I am so proud of them.
I had the best evening with them and their friends, however when I slept over into today, it was not such a good time.

But whatever, I'm gonna miss them next school year. It's gonna be hella rough without them.