Goodness...

So this past weekend, like I said I had placement testing at Rutgers, which I'm pretty sure they're gonna look at my math scores and think I'm absolutely stupid because I don't think I knew a single question, which is sad, but math is not a required course for the theatre students, so I'm not gonna stress that at all.


On to the better part of my weekend, I got to see my hunny, Al and my doll, Brooke plus their nice friend Joy on Sunday when we all went to the park. I was completely stressing and getting very agitated because me and my family were an hour late to meet with them (so that was an hour lost of spending time with them). However when we did finally get to them, Al was the first one I saw and oh my gawd, I wanted to cry from happiness, his transformation from the last time I saw him was impeccable. And then I got to see Brooke and meet their friend Joy.


My younger cousin tagged along with me, my dad and brother and she was another highlight of the day. My brother and dad grilled, while me, my cousin and my friends talked and played. I enjoyed every single second of the time spent with them, I just couldn't believe they were actually here again. If someone were to ask what my favorite part of this year was thus far, I'd say seeing my twins again after months apart because I missed them so much.


All good things must come to an end, when it came time for them to leave, my heart sank. I didn't wanna say "goodbye" so soon. I had just gotten them back, but I knew they were here for a certain purpose. I walked them to their car, and of course I got my "goodbye" hugs, and again the tears started to pour once they started saying how proud they were of me for all that I had accomplished. And once the tears begin to flow, there's no stopping them. I got a kiss on the cheek from both of them and we said are final "goodbye" for the time being.


I'm crying now as I write this because like I said I miss them so much, I was used to seeing them almost everyday in school and occasionally hanging out. I can't believe it had been about 8 months since I had last seen them in person. 


Like they said they are proud of me, I'm so proud of them for everything they've accomplished and who they're becoming. I hope to see them again soon because I just can't stand missing them so much. My hunny and my doll, I love them so much.

Can I Just Talk ?

So, I'm done trying, I came to the conclusion that there's no point in trying if your effort is thrust back into your face. I wanted to make this work, but making me cry because you wanna be heartless is literally the last straw. I cannot keep making myself seem fine, when I'm not. You literally acted two-faced, last Friday we seemed okay like there was a shimmer of hope, but this week, all that was dashed away by your actions and words. I know I fucked up royally, it was literally all my fault, but I decided to be the bigger person and just try, try one last time to at least be civil with each other, but alas it was all in vain. I don't know I just wanted to be friends again, and it just wasted my time to have it be worthless. I am allowed to be upset, I am allowed to vent, I am allowed to do whatever I want regarding this situation as long as I am not in any way harming her. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm going through my Senior Year without any friends. My hunny and doll graduated and are in Texas, and that's about it. I'm done talking, I'm just upset and wanna just find a real friend.

See you later...

So yesterday I got to hang out with my two wonderful friends who are leaving for Texas this weekend. We hung out at Walmart while they got an oil change, then off to Target, Michaels, BJ's, then to Berry Creamy for some Frozen Yogurt. We then went to BAM, the mall, and ended at FiveBelow. Our very last trip was to my house so they could drop me off, and I cried (I'm about to cry typing this), I'm gonna miss them so much, I told them I'd keep them in my closet so they'd never leave. I'm gonna miss them a lot, but they reassured me that I could add them on Facebook, text when I finally got a cell phone, Skype call whenever I wanted, and that they'd try to make my graduation because I went to theirs. Plus, Al uploads videos on Youtube once a week, so I'll get to see his handsome face. I wish I was able to spend their birthday with them, but it's okay. I wish them all the best while they are in Texas, and if I could I'd visit them in Texas, and hug them until I couldn't hug them anymore.


Al, you are most definitely the sweetest and most amazing guy I've ever met.


Brookie, you are without a doubt the cutest, most nicest and real person I've had the pleasure of meeting.


I met you both in Stage Crew which will always be something I hold dear.


My hunny & my doll, I'm so grateful for your generosity over the past couple of years, you both are so great to me. I love you both~


And like you said, it's not "Goodbye"...it's a "See You Later."

Contemplating...

Contemplating whether or not if I should cut...

my embarrassment has been making me extremely upset, that I've been secluded in my room all day, crying every few hours

I just wanna feel numb for a little...

SO EMBARRASSED

So, today after school, I was walking Al to the buses (like I usually do everyday), and I say "I like you" to him like I do when I'm being nice and playful. And he says, "You think I don't know, it's obvious." 

Oh my gawd, my face got so hot, my heart started racing, and I almost started to cry (I managed to keep from crying until I got home, yes I know PATHETIC) 

He tried to hug me goodbye, but I was so flustered I kept backing away from him and saying "No." I just was really upset, and I couldn't handle it. So I'm kinda scared to see him on Monday.

Sorry to post my embarrassing & pathetic experience guys D: