So basically...

So basically, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm just done.

All I see is despair and nothingness and I can't stand it.

Where is the light in my life ?

It's like someone extinguished the flame that was burning as bright as it could.

My feelings have gradually been getting worse, and I feel as though there's no point in anything.

I want to be fine with myself, and I don't feel fine with myself.

I had to leave school early yesterday and blow off Drama because I just couldn't. I couldn't deal with the rest of the day.

It was agonizing.

I have some cuts on my left arm (that I inflicted) and today I added my own flair to the cuts by writing the words Cut Me with an arrow pointing towards the wounds.

I don't know, I wish someone was here for me, I wish I wasn't alone.

It's horrid, and I can't.

I just can't.

I was on omegle last night.

I talked to one nice guy for little. (If anyone wants to talk to me fyi, comment, email me, whatever...I'm constantly lonely, and always wish for a voice to communicate with)

I don't wanna get into why I'm upset or angry or all these stupid emotions.

Maybe another post.

Whatever

I am so done with her, it's not even funny.
So yesterday I'm like, lemme try and break the ice again,
So we can start talking,
I then during lunch go back into my Google Docs,
And find a document with a list a nicknames I used to call her,
All completely appropriate, and just in fun,
(They were words spelled backwards)
I print out the list and add a little note at the bottom,
About it's okay to not wanna be friends, but just let me know.
I get to Film Class, and before she gets there,
I tell the boys to write "Ohcapzag" on the chalk board,
Then another boy wants to know another nickname,
So they can address with the nickname,
(Again all in fun)
She enters the room, and he says "Hey Nuttob."
She then proceeds to just act like he called her some horrid,
Inappropriate name, just being rude and saying,
"I hate that so much"
My face just drained of color,
I thought it would be a good idea to go back to our friendship with that,
Because before, she used to laugh or give me the funny bitchface for these nicknames,
She yesterday just completely shut me the fuck down,
I say to her, my voice so low,
that "It was just supposed to be funny." &
"No need to be crabby, I didn't mean to upset you."
She made me feel like complete shit for no reason,
I literally tried, but if she's gonna keep ignoring me,
And making me feel bad for trying to make her laugh/smile,
Then I'm done, there was really no reason for that yesterday,
It really hurt my feelings, and I don't need negativity from her anymore,
I wanted my friend back, but not if I have to feel bad about it first




I'm done venting, thanks for reading.

Sadness Sucks

In such a horrid state of mind right now, I just want out of it...