So basically...

So basically, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm just done.

All I see is despair and nothingness and I can't stand it.

Where is the light in my life ?

It's like someone extinguished the flame that was burning as bright as it could.

My feelings have gradually been getting worse, and I feel as though there's no point in anything.

I want to be fine with myself, and I don't feel fine with myself.

I had to leave school early yesterday and blow off Drama because I just couldn't. I couldn't deal with the rest of the day.

It was agonizing.

I have some cuts on my left arm (that I inflicted) and today I added my own flair to the cuts by writing the words Cut Me with an arrow pointing towards the wounds.

I don't know, I wish someone was here for me, I wish I wasn't alone.

It's horrid, and I can't.

I just can't.

I was on omegle last night.

I talked to one nice guy for little. (If anyone wants to talk to me fyi, comment, email me, whatever...I'm constantly lonely, and always wish for a voice to communicate with)

I don't wanna get into why I'm upset or angry or all these stupid emotions.

Maybe another post.

I don't know

So, I haven't been in a good mood as of late, the other night I woke up crying, and couldn't go back to sleep, I had to talk myself down from an extreme suicidal high. Thank god it worked or I would not be typing this for you guys to view.

I also am very angry with my ex *cough* Andrew Dragon Carrero *cough* he's a fucking bastard that deserves to die, so yeah. Last thing I sent him was me telling him he's a cunt.

I also had this awesome idea for me and my friends, to do a photo shoot at the end of the summer for me, I'm planning 2 outfits right now, it's just all about getting the money. I need about $350 to make it happen because the one dress/costume I want is $186.95. So yeah, working on finding a job for the weekends because I babysit for some money during the week.

My moods are varying lately, one minute I can be perfectly fine, the next I hate the world and I just want it all to end. It's like whatever.

Oh, my dear Al....

He makes me so upset sometimes and it angers me, I'll give you guys a little detail about my AnimeNEXT experience, so Saturday night I forgot what we were doing, but i'm walking and I hear my name being called, it's Al and Brooke in their Homestuck cosplay with their friends, and so we started chatting and I got this upset feeling (not sick feeling, like sad feeling) and I have a tendency to either stare blankly or look at the ground and not really respond when I'm in that mood, so i was doing either or and Al's like "What's wrong, Soler ?" I look at him and say "Nothing.", and of course this is Al, he knows when something is wrong with me so he asks me again, and i say "Really, nothing". So he decided to say something that still makes my blood boil every time I think about it. "Yeah, okay, whatever I'll play your game." he says.....I instantly got even more upset, I looked at him, bit my lip and said "Bye, I'm leaving." I walked away just as he started talking because I didn't wanna hear anymore shit escape his lips that could hurt me. I even left my friend, all I heard as I walked away was her awkwardly saying "Goodbye." to all of them as I stormed off faster and faster, she had to run to keep up with me. That night i was just really upset and whenever I get upset with Al, it really torments me and I just wanna see him again and talk about it, so I text him on my friend's phone that night and he doesn't answer of course, he never answers my texts....I text him again once we get to AnimeNEXT on Sunday saying "I wanna apologize in person", and of course my friend turned her phone off to save battery, and we didn't see the message Al sent back saying to meet him at the fountain, until 3pm. The only things that upsets me is what Al said to me, and the fact that i don't know or not if they made a comment about me after I left (any of them, not just Al or Brooke). This was probably one of the only downsides to AnimeNEXT, a little fight between me and the prince. And guess what ! I desperately wanted to apologize for my behavior when I got to see him, so on Tuesday when I'm walking him and his sister to the door, i think he asked if he's allowed to hug me, i didn't really respond, i just hugged him and said sorry, and thanked satan i didn't cry because Al didn't give a fuck about my sorry, he shrugged it off, and was just itching to get away from me....I'll continue my rant about Al in another post, but this one was about my dilemma with Al at AnimeNEXT and after...