Sent

Sent a message his way, hopefully he'll see it next time he's allowed to use internet.

I hope he's doing okay.

I'm really worried for him.

I did it

I did it....I shed my tears for him today, the tears aren't gonna help him, but I wish I could help him, he's literally 20 minutes from me, and I can't do shit for him. I'm a terrible friend.

My Friend

I just feel like venting a little, my friend posted something on tumblr basically saying he's trans and he came out to his mother and she shot him down and was very cruel about it. He's feeling miserable and I bet he's feeling way worse than miserable, I bet words literally can't describe how he's truly feeling. He said it feels like hell being in that household at the moment, and a plethora of other things were said in his post. He knows that he's gonna get kicked out and everything, and that he has no where to go if he does.

I honestly wish I was asleep before he posted that because I'm worrying about him, and I want to know he's safe, and okay. I know he's not happy, but at least safe and unharmed is my goal. I'll be up for a little while longer just thinking about all this. And wondering how he could possibly be feeling, I've had some low points where I cannot even describe them as well. However, I feel like my problems are so tiny compared to his at this point.

He's my friend. I love my friend. I just wish I was able to do something for him. If I could, I'd give him the world. If I could, I'd give him all that he needed. That last thing I want is for him to leave the state because that's where he'll be somewhat free. I want him content, but I guess I only want him in NJ because I'm afraid to lose him as a friend. If I could offer him my home for even a little bit, I bet that would be better, but I don't have the courage to let him know I'm thinking of him and his sister in this time.

I feel like a shitty friend because I can't do anything. I swear if I could drive and had my own apartment, i'd be picking their asses up and demanding they stay with me as long as need be. sigh. I can't even try to text him, but I bet if he has signal his phone is blowing up. I want to be the friend he needs right now. I don't wanna be that shitty person to just say "Stay Strong. You're in my thoughts. Hope all goes well for you." and other bullshit along those lines. I feel as though he doesn't need pitiful words of encouragement, he needs someone to talk to, to just try to get his mind off of his situation for a little bit or just someone he can vent to.

He's my hunny, and I want the best for him. I think tomorrow I'll text him something short, and leave it at that because I know he won't answer me, he never does.


If I could say this to him I would..."Hunny, you are the bravest soul I've ever come across. Please keep fighting."

I don't know

So, I haven't been in a good mood as of late, the other night I woke up crying, and couldn't go back to sleep, I had to talk myself down from an extreme suicidal high. Thank god it worked or I would not be typing this for you guys to view.

I also am very angry with my ex *cough* Andrew Dragon Carrero *cough* he's a fucking bastard that deserves to die, so yeah. Last thing I sent him was me telling him he's a cunt.

I also had this awesome idea for me and my friends, to do a photo shoot at the end of the summer for me, I'm planning 2 outfits right now, it's just all about getting the money. I need about $350 to make it happen because the one dress/costume I want is $186.95. So yeah, working on finding a job for the weekends because I babysit for some money during the week.

My moods are varying lately, one minute I can be perfectly fine, the next I hate the world and I just want it all to end. It's like whatever.

My hunny and doll graduated !

My Hunny & My Doll graduated on Friday, and I am so proud of them.
I had the best evening with them and their friends, however when I slept over into today, it was not such a good time.

But whatever, I'm gonna miss them next school year. It's gonna be hella rough without them.

I literally...

I literally wanna say something, but I don't know what.





On a different note, does anyone know Andrew Carrero ?

Finals Week

BOOOOOOOOOOOO FINALS, I only had one today...Chem, super easy.
Tomorrow is Algebra 2 and US History 2

So Yeah...

Would anyone truthfully care if I killed myself ?
I mean my blog sucks, I suck.
I'm kinda worthless.
So yeah...

Hello ?

Anyone wanna talk to me ?

I am absolutely lonely

And I desire human interaction

Even if only through a computer.

Please, someone ?

Can I Just Say....

Can I just say how fucking fed up I am with people who treat me like shit...
Like really, my ex-boyfriend of 3 years refuses to talk to me, and we didn't even really break up
We haven't seen other people or anything, he just started hating me, for no apparent reason
And when I reach out to him, it's like am I messaging you ? Are you there ?
It's been months, and sometimes he'll pop a message in here or there, and it's usually rude
I miss him, I miss just being able to have someone on my side, who would always talk with me.
It's frustrating now, I come home, and it's silence until the next morning when I go to school
And school lets out for the summer in a week, and then it'll be silence 24/7
I hate it....I can't handle it...it pushes the boundaries of my mentality
And no matter how often I try to look for a friend, no one reaches out to me
So I'm just fed up mostly with this boy, he's 20, but he's no man, he's a fucking child
I can't deal anymore....I can't.

I don't regret it...

So...I cut last night. I guess it's not that big of a deal, it's like whatever, but now I have to wear them around for a couple of weeks, which is sad. I honestly don't care that I did it though, it took me a while to actual get the courage to do the thing I've been wanting to do for awhile, and I finally did. I played the happiest/funniest song I like at the moment and just started cutting. So yeah. That's all.

Cosplay Future

Hey Everyone,


I have a question for any cosplayers out there.
Would anyone want to cosplay with me ? Like we can do anything as long as we are both familiar with it. I wanna really start cosplaying and I want a buddy to do it with me.
I've done Marceline, but I looked like crap. Sooo, yeah, I just went to AnimeNEXT and I was really upset that I couldn't cosplay, I really wanted to do Marceline but like I said, my axe bass was broken, and I lost my fangs. I wanted to do Porrim from Homestuck, but my friend wasn't able to finish my outfit. So there's two things I'm interested in cosplaying right there : Adventure Time and Homestuck.


As for anything I plan on doing in the future, I am focusing on losing some weight before I start really cosplaying because I am vain and want to look good. So yeah. My future cosplay endeavors I want to do are : Steampunk Fionna, any version of Marceline the Vampire Queen, Fem! Dr Facilier, some others but I can't think of them right now.


So yeah, message me, comment, email me, hit me up on my tumblr, whatever. I just want a cosplay buddy and I'm trying to be less anti-social.


BTW : email = emobrokencydebabe@hotmail.com or xxbloodyxmaryxx@gmail.com
tumblr = lacrimosaxkilledxsoftly

Sooo....AnimeNEXT ?

So I had a shitty time at AnimeNEXT this year, lemme just tell you Saturday that I totally broke the record for sitting (9 fucking hours without getting up, my ass hurt). Also I am the most anti-social, depressing bitch to ever attend a event which is supposed to be fun and exciting. I wish I would've cosplayed, but someone broke my axe bass and I lost my fangs so I couldn't do Marcy, and my Porrim cosplay wasn't done yet. I'm maybe thinking of the next con I want to attend, and it could be Katsucon 2015, but that depends if I find friends for a hotel room and when our school's musical is. But definitely I will be going to AnimeNEXT 2015. All in all, this year was a joke for me, but I did love everyone's cosplays.

Boo

Im having the worst time at AnimeNEXT, just saying.